You Can't Scale What You Refuse to Process

Benny Fisher • March 10, 2026

For the first five or six years of running Big Fish Roofing, I was holding a beach ball under water.

That's not a metaphor. That's just what it was.


I was doing drugs and alcohol through most of those years. Overeating, gambling, anything I could find to escape the weight I was carrying. And the whole time I was building a company, hitting numbers, hiring people, trying to look like I had it together. On the outside, things were moving. On the inside, I was a man underwater, holding down everything I refused to look at.


My team got exactly what I was giving them. The energy of someone who was never enough. Someone who was working out of fear and calling it drive. Someone who had no idea how to lead because nobody had ever shown him how to live.

I did not have mentors. I did not have good leadership around me. I had a company and a closet full of things I was never going to open.


The Beach Ball Always Comes Up


Pastor Matt Keller from Next Level Church spoke at the Teach Passion Summit earlier this year and gave me language for something I lived but could never quite name. He talked about the five limits that hold leaders back. Thoughts, team, culture, personal life, and heart. And he used this image that stopped me cold.


He said the pain and hurt and disappointment that leaders accumulate is like a beach ball in a swimming pool. You can sit on it, hold it down, press it under the water with everything you have. But it will come up. The only question is when and where.


For me, it came up in the way I led. In the culture I created without knowing I was creating it. In the people who could feel something was off even when they could not name it. When your heart is carrying that much weight and you have not dealt with any of it, it shows up everywhere. In your decisions. In your reactions. In who you hire and who you keep and who you push away.


You can't scale what you refuse to process. I know because I tried.


Matt showed a picture of his home office. Clean, beautiful, everything in its place. Then he showed the closet. Stuff piled up to the ceiling. Barely contained. One open door away from falling on you.


He said nobody is going to clean that closet but you.


Mine had been building for years. The feeling of not being enough. The need to prove people wrong. The weight of a small child counting on me when I had no idea what I was doing. The money I made that I immediately found ways to blow because some part of me did not believe I deserved to keep it. All of it was in there. And I was numbing every single day so I would not have to open the door.


I thought I was being strong. I thought pushing through was the same thing as processing. It is not. Pushing through just means the closet gets fuller.


The Two Moments That Cracked Me Open


In 2017 I overdosed. I should have died. By the grace of God I did not.


And then my brother was murdered in 2021.


Those two things together broke something loose in me that I could not hold down anymore. I started asking a question I had been running from my whole life: why? Why did God spare me? Why was my brother taken? What is the point of any of this if I keep living the way I was living?


I did not want my brother's death to be in vain. That became the thing. That became the reason I finally stopped holding the beach ball under water and let it come up.


But here is the part that I want every founder reading this to hear. The thing that actually changed me was not the crisis. Plenty of people have crises and change nothing. The thing that changed me was the willingness to be honest. To let my guard down. To stop performing and start telling the truth about what was actually going on inside.


That is when things started to shift. Not when the pain came. When I stopped hiding it.


What Matt Got Right


Matt said something at Teach Passion that I keep coming back to. He said the most important question for a leader is not how do I grow my business. It is how well am I leading my own heart.


He said you can have great thoughts, a great team, a great culture, a great personal life on paper, and still be bleeding out on the inside. And that internal bleeding will eventually show up in every room you walk into.

He cited Jesus: what good is it for someone to gain the whole world and forfeit their soul? I used to read that as a spiritual warning. Now I read it as a leadership warning too. Because I have seen what it looks like to gain the whole world and forfeit your soul. I lived it. The revenue was real. The emptiness was realer.


Here is what I know now that I wish someone had told me at twenty-five: peace is the compass. When there is no peace, something is unprocessed. Something is still in the closet. Something is still being held underwater. And no strategy, no hire, no revenue milestone is going to fix a heart problem.


The Question You Cannot Business-Plan Your Way Around


Most founders reading this are good at building systems for everything except themselves. We have operating systems for our companies and nothing for our hearts. We have quarterly reviews for our teams and have never once sat down to honestly review what we are carrying.

So here is the question Matt put in front of the room at Teach Passion Summit, and I want to put it in front of you now.


What are you holding underwater right now that is already showing up in your leadership?


You do not have to have a crisis to answer that question. You just have to be willing to be honest.

That willingness is where it starts. I know because it is where it started for me.


Ideas in this post were inspired by Matt Keller's talk at the Teach Passion Summit in Pittsburgh. The next Teach Passion Summit is January 27-28, 2027. 


Whether you're driving, building, or reflecting — catch every episode of The Big Fish Cares Podcast on your favorite platform.

Where Real Conversations Live

A button that says listen on apple podcasts on a white background.
A youtube logo that says watch and listen on youtube
A button that says listen on spotify on it

Looking for more? Start here.

By Benny Fisher • October 13, 2026
The snow is not the problem. The shaking is. Why thirty minutes of silence a day is how founders find the vision that was already sitting there.
Why a weekly cash review gives home service founders fewer surprises and more peace.
By Benny Fisher • October 1, 2026
Most founders only check cash when panic hits. Here's the weekly cash review I give home service owners: same day, same time, 13 weeks ahead.
BENNY FISHER VISIONARY NAVIGATOR
By Benny Fisher • September 22, 2026
March 2021, a Texas ranch, and six people from my leadership team. You cannot reheat a room. The conference is not the trip. The van is the trip.
Show More
By Benny Fisher • October 13, 2026
The snow is not the problem. The shaking is. Why thirty minutes of silence a day is how founders find the vision that was already sitting there.
Why a weekly cash review gives home service founders fewer surprises and more peace.
By Benny Fisher • October 1, 2026
Most founders only check cash when panic hits. Here's the weekly cash review I give home service owners: same day, same time, 13 weeks ahead.
BENNY FISHER VISIONARY NAVIGATOR
By Benny Fisher • September 22, 2026
March 2021, a Texas ranch, and six people from my leadership team. You cannot reheat a room. The conference is not the trip. The van is the trip.
By Benny Fisher • September 11, 2026
You can delegate the P&L, the hiring, the whole calendar. The care comes back every time, and it moves up to you. The founder's real job.
He Already Had Number Ten
By Benny Fisher • September 3, 2026
The ten disciplines from Gino Wickman and Rob Dube, handed to a friend on a back porch in July. Where I argue with the order, and the one discipline a man can hide inside.
By Benny Fisher • August 27, 2026
You never know what's going to happen at the intersection of one point in time and a few people willing to tell the truth.
By Benny Fisher • August 20, 2026
I walked into a leadership meeting with a client's team about a year into working with them. Twelve people around the table. Everyone had a status update. Everyone gave their status update. An hour later, we had a shared understanding of what had already happened and nothing had been decided. That is not a meeting. That is a group status email that required everyone to show up in person. WHAT A REAL LEADERSHIP MEETING DOES There is a version of the weekly leadership meeting that most teams never experience. One where the issues that have been bouncing around in people's heads all week get named out loud, get owned by the right person, and get resolved before they become next week's bigger problem. That version requires three things that most teams skip. First , the issues have to be named honestly, not diplomatically. Diplomatic issue identification produces incomplete lists. What you are actually worried about has to be said in the room, not saved for the parking lot conversation after. Second , they have to be solved at the right level. Most of the time the founder is not the right person. A mature team asks who is actually closest to this problem, and puts the solve there. Third , the priorities have to stay honest. Most leadership teams do not need more ambition. They need fewer things on the list, held with more discipline. When every item is labeled important, people quietly stop believing anything actually is. WHAT CHANGED WHEN THEY CHANGED THE MEETING We rebuilt the format with that client. Same people, same time slot, different structure. A short pulse on the numbers, a review of what moved and what stalled on the real priorities, then time to identify and solve the actual issues, not report on them. Three things happened in the first month. The founder stopped carrying half the company's unresolved issues home over the weekend. The team started solving things without waiting to be told. And the leadership conversations shifted from status reporting to real decision-making. The meeting did not fix the business. It created the conditions for the team to fix the business themselves. THE QUESTION TO BRING TO YOUR NEXT MEETING Before your next leadership meeting, write down the three things you are most worried about in the business right now. Not the agenda items. The real things. Then ask: do these get named and solved in our weekly meeting, or do they stay in my head until they become a crisis? If the answer is your head, the meeting needs to change. A business that still depends on the founder's nervous system to hold its unresolved issues has not yet built a real leadership team. It has built a group that reports to a person. What is sitting in your head right now that belongs in a room with your team? Prepared by Benny Fisher | Visionary Navigator | bennyfisher.com
By Benny Fisher • August 13, 2026
Do the exercise. Not in your head. On paper, this week. Pick the age. Write the five. Write the obituary your kid reads. Then extend it, and write what you would do with the extra time.
By Benny Fisher • August 4, 2026
I've sat across from a lot of business owners who are working toward an exit.
By Benny Fisher • August 3, 2026
Three rooms that taught me how to do this, two men who are gone, and a backyard that fills up on Thursday. There's a gift sitting in my house right now that I can't tell you about yet. It's for Thursday. Every Pond member who walks into that backyard is getting one. There will be plenty of other people there too, friends, families, folks who are just curious about what we're building, and I'm glad about every one of them. But this piece is for the members. I've been working on it quietly for a while and I keep walking past it and stopping. I'll tell all of you what it is next week, after everybody has gone home. Right now I just want to sit with how this feels for a minute. I didn't make it myself. I commissioned my friend Brad Dalton. Brad makes gifts out of clay, under the name Clay and Spirit. Gift-maker is a real job and one of the better ones I know of. Watching him build this thing was its own gift. He made it with joy. I mean actual joy, the kind you can see in a man's hands while he works. There's video. You'll get the video. The barbecue is sold out. We never sold a ticket. We just ran out of room. Members are coming. Friends are coming. People who are still deciding what they think about what we're building are coming. Spouses, kids, the whole thing. Somebody is going to be in the pool by noon and somebody else is going to be at the fire pit at eleven at night, and I already know exactly who both of those people are. I'm sitting here on a Saturday going over the list and I don't have great words for what I feel. So let me back into it. HOW I LEARNED TO DO THIS I believe we were built for each other. Not in a greeting card way. I believe God made every one of us a masterpiece and then made us so that we can't quite see our own work without somebody else standing in the room. I think that's on purpose. I've felt called to be the guy who gets people in the same room since long before I had a company to hang it on. It might be the only real purpose I've ever had. But the way I do it, I did not come up with any of that. I got taught. By three rooms and by a couple of men who are not here anymore. The first was VeeFriends. I had a Hangout Hawk, so a group of us would get on Zoom together, and then we'd end up in the same room in person now and then. I also had a Gift Goat, which meant Gary would randomly surprise you and drop something at your door. No occasion. No reason. Just a box on the porch. I remember thinking, man, this is really cool. This is the way it's done. Then I joined Steve Sims and the Distillery. Day one, before I had done a single thing to earn it, a thoughtful gift showed up with a handwritten letter. Day one. I knew right then that Steve was different. Then I went to a Speakeasy, and it was not a hotel conference room with a projector and bad coffee. It was just cool. Cool in a way I had never seen anybody pull off. Then I met John Ruhlin. This guy gave gifts for a living. Wrote the book on it, Giftology. John made you feel like you were his best friend inside of five minutes, and the wild part is that he made a few hundred people feel exactly that way and every one of them was telling the truth. John died in August of 2024. It's two years this week. Steve died last July. Neither one of them will be in my backyard on Thursday. Both of them will be. THE PART I HAD TO BE TAUGHT TWICE The other room that got me here is the 10 Disciplines with Gino Wickman and Rob Dubé. Couple years in now. That's where I stopped treating peace like a reward you collect after the business finally behaves, and started treating it like something you build on purpose, at the same time as everything else. Here is what I came out of all of it believing. Every driven entrepreneur is called to relationship. Called to connection. Called to generosity. Called to impact. Called to peace. Not one of those instead of the others. All of it, at once, on purpose. That's what The Pond came out of. Not a business plan. A pile of rooms that other people built for me, and the feeling that I owed somebody the same thing. WHAT I HAVE TO WATCH ON THURSDAY Old Benny runs this barbecue from the kitchen. Old Benny is checking the ice, counting chairs, watching the driveway, making sure the food trucks are on time, and he gets to the end of the night having hosted a great party he was never actually at. I know that guy. I still am that guy some days. So the thing I'm telling myself all week is simple. Be still. Stay in the moment. Let it be what it is. The gift is done. The people are coming. There is nothing left to manage. Whether I actually pull that off is a different post. ONE MORE THING We hit capacity this year, which still does not feel real to me. If you wanted to be there and could not get in, tell me. I'll put you on the list for next year, and next year we'll figure out how to make more room. Here is what I keep landing on. Experiences rock. Not a feed, not a nice email, not a well-designed announcement. A thing that actually happens to people, in a place, with other people in it. That is what Gary and Steve and John gave me, and it is the only thing I know how to hand back. But the thing I actually want to leave you with is this, and I want you to sit with it a second longer than is comfortable. Somebody built a room for you. Gary built one. Steve built one. John built one. Gino and Rob built one. Somebody, somewhere, made space for you before you had done anything to deserve it, and it changed the direction you were pointed. Have you built one for anybody yet? Not a group chat. Not a follower count. A room. With a door you hold open and a table you set on purpose. Who is sitting outside of yours right now, waiting on you to notice?
Show More