You're Not the Same Person I Married…

February 13, 2025

You're Not the Same Person I Married…


Entrepreneurs are wired to chase success, often at the expense of their energy, their relationships, and, ultimately, their happiness. The relentless pursuit of business growth and achievement can slowly chip away at the very essence of who they are. Until, one day, they hear words that cut deeper than any financial setback or business failure:

"You’re not the same person I married."

That’s exactly what happened to
John Mashni, a driven entrepreneur, lawyer, writer, professor, and movie producer. He was someone who had seemingly "made it" by traditional standards. Yet, despite all his achievements, the person his wife had fallen in love with was fading. And that realization changed everything.

John's story isn't just about business—it's about rediscovering joy, creativity, and the freedom to be himself again. And if you're an entrepreneur feeling disconnected from the passion that once fueled you, this story might just be the wake-up call you need.

Listen to the full podcast episode
 

The Moment That Changed Everything


John Mashni had spent years building his career, wearing multiple hats in the process. He was highly respected, accomplished, and—on paper—living the dream. But success came at a cost. The long hours, high expectations, and constant pressure turned into a cycle of burnout and disconnection.

One day, his wife looked at him and said it straight: "You're not the same person I married."

Those words hit hard. It wasn't about his career or financial success—it was about the fundamental change in his spirit, his energy, and his joy. He was no longer the fun, creative, passionate man she had fallen in love with.

John had spent so much time doing that he had lost sight of being. He knew something had to change.


The Path to Reinvention


For John, the journey back to himself started with a simple but powerful step: creativity.

Instead of just working in his business, he started working on himself. He began writing children's books with his kids—not as a business venture, but as a way to reconnect with the joy of storytelling. In just 15 minutes a day, he rekindled the creative spark that had once fueled his dreams.

One of those books, CinderToot became a fun, lighthearted project—a playful twist on Cinderella that reminded John of the kind of person he used to be.

But more importantly, it helped him rediscover the energy, impact, and inner peace that had been buried under the weight of his professional ambitions.

A Personal Parallel: My Own Wake-Up Call


John’s story hit home for me in a way I didn’t expect.

In the summer of 2021, my life took a tragic turn when my  brother was murdered . It was a moment that shattered everything I thought I knew. Grief has a way of forcing you to take a hard look at your life, your choices, and who you are at your core.

Up until that point, I had been successful in business, but I wasn’t fully me. I had been keeping parts of myself locked away, thinking that vulnerability wasn’t necessary in entrepreneurship. But when my brother was killed, I realized how short life is—and how important it is to be real, open, and intentional about how we live.

That’s when I made a choice.

I started sharing my story. I launched The Big Fish Cares podcast, where I could connect with other entrepreneurs, tell their stories, and create a space for real conversations. It wasn’t just about business—it was about life. Like John, I had to reinvent myself. And in doing so, I found more fulfillment than I ever had before.
Why Entrepreneurs Need to Reinvent Themselves


Burnout isn’t just about exhaustion—it’s about misalignment. It’s what happens when the version of yourself that’s chasing success is no longer in sync with the version of yourself that truly feels alive.
The problem is, most entrepreneurs don’t even realize they’ve lost themselves until something forces them to take a step back. Sometimes, it’s a spouse saying, “You’re not the same person I married.” Other times, it’s a tragedy that shakes them to the core.
The key is not waiting for a breaking point to force you into change.

How to Start Your Own Reinvention


If you’re feeling disconnected from the energy, passion, and creativity you once had, here are some steps to help you find your way back:

1. Assess Where You Are (Know Thyself)

Be brutally honest with yourself. Are you excited about what you do? Do you have time for the things you love? Or are you just going through the motions? If you’re feeling stuck, it’s time to realign.

2. Prioritize Joy & Creativity (Take Time Off)

 Entrepreneurship can’t just be about scaling and strategy. It has to be about  you . Find a way to inject fun back into your life—whether it’s writing, playing music, traveling, or simply making time to be with your family without distraction.

3. Set Boundaries (Know Your 100%)

Success means nothing if you burn out along the way. Set clear limits on your work hours, unplug when needed, and be intentional about the time you spend with the people who matter most.

4. Surround Yourself with the Right People

 Entrepreneurship can be lonely. Find a community that challenges and supports you. Whether it’s a mastermind, a mentor, or a group of like-minded entrepreneurs, make sure you’re surrounded by people who help you stay true to yourself. I am currently in The True Self mastermind  with Gino Wickman and Rob Dube and it has been great!

5. Tap Into the Right Tools & Resources

If you want to maximize your energy, impact, and inner peace, you need the right framework. That’s why I love The 10 Disciplines  and  the book Shine  —because they help me and other entrepreneurs stay aligned, avoid burnout, and operate at our best.

Where Are You on Your Journey?


John Mashni’s story is a powerful reminder that who we are is just as important as what we do. If you’re an entrepreneur feeling exhausted, uninspired, or disconnected from the things that once made you come alive,
now is the time to make a shift.

Don’t wait until your spouse tells you, “You’re not the same person I married.”

Don’t wait until tragedy forces you to wake up. Start now.

Take the True Self Assessment


Are you living in alignment with your true self? Are you maximizing your energy, your impact, and your inner peace?Find out where you stand—
take the True Self Assessment here: https://www.the10disciplines.com/assessment

Because when you free your true self, you don’t just build a better business—you build a better life. 

Whether you're driving, building, or reflecting — catch every episode of The Big Fish Cares Podcast on your favorite platform.

Where Real Conversations Live

A button that says listen on apple podcasts on a white background.
A youtube logo that says watch and listen on youtube
A button that says listen on spotify on it

Looking for more? Start here.

Why a weekly cash review gives home service founders fewer surprises and more peace.
By Benny Fisher • October 1, 2026
Most founders only check cash when panic hits. Here's the weekly cash review I give home service owners: same day, same time, 13 weeks ahead.
BENNY FISHER VISIONARY NAVIGATOR
By Benny Fisher • September 22, 2026
March 2021, a Texas ranch, and six people from my leadership team. You cannot reheat a room. The conference is not the trip. The van is the trip.
By Benny Fisher • September 11, 2026
You can delegate the P&L, the hiring, the whole calendar. The care comes back every time, and it moves up to you. The founder's real job.
Show More
Why a weekly cash review gives home service founders fewer surprises and more peace.
By Benny Fisher • October 1, 2026
Most founders only check cash when panic hits. Here's the weekly cash review I give home service owners: same day, same time, 13 weeks ahead.
BENNY FISHER VISIONARY NAVIGATOR
By Benny Fisher • September 22, 2026
March 2021, a Texas ranch, and six people from my leadership team. You cannot reheat a room. The conference is not the trip. The van is the trip.
By Benny Fisher • September 11, 2026
You can delegate the P&L, the hiring, the whole calendar. The care comes back every time, and it moves up to you. The founder's real job.
He Already Had Number Ten
By Benny Fisher • September 3, 2026
The ten disciplines from Gino Wickman and Rob Dube, handed to a friend on a back porch in July. Where I argue with the order, and the one discipline a man can hide inside.
By Benny Fisher • August 27, 2026
You never know what's going to happen at the intersection of one point in time and a few people willing to tell the truth.
By Benny Fisher • August 20, 2026
I walked into a leadership meeting with a client's team about a year into working with them. Twelve people around the table. Everyone had a status update. Everyone gave their status update. An hour later, we had a shared understanding of what had already happened and nothing had been decided. That is not a meeting. That is a group status email that required everyone to show up in person. WHAT A REAL LEADERSHIP MEETING DOES There is a version of the weekly leadership meeting that most teams never experience. One where the issues that have been bouncing around in people's heads all week get named out loud, get owned by the right person, and get resolved before they become next week's bigger problem. That version requires three things that most teams skip. First , the issues have to be named honestly, not diplomatically. Diplomatic issue identification produces incomplete lists. What you are actually worried about has to be said in the room, not saved for the parking lot conversation after. Second , they have to be solved at the right level. Most of the time the founder is not the right person. A mature team asks who is actually closest to this problem, and puts the solve there. Third , the priorities have to stay honest. Most leadership teams do not need more ambition. They need fewer things on the list, held with more discipline. When every item is labeled important, people quietly stop believing anything actually is. WHAT CHANGED WHEN THEY CHANGED THE MEETING We rebuilt the format with that client. Same people, same time slot, different structure. A short pulse on the numbers, a review of what moved and what stalled on the real priorities, then time to identify and solve the actual issues, not report on them. Three things happened in the first month. The founder stopped carrying half the company's unresolved issues home over the weekend. The team started solving things without waiting to be told. And the leadership conversations shifted from status reporting to real decision-making. The meeting did not fix the business. It created the conditions for the team to fix the business themselves. THE QUESTION TO BRING TO YOUR NEXT MEETING Before your next leadership meeting, write down the three things you are most worried about in the business right now. Not the agenda items. The real things. Then ask: do these get named and solved in our weekly meeting, or do they stay in my head until they become a crisis? If the answer is your head, the meeting needs to change. A business that still depends on the founder's nervous system to hold its unresolved issues has not yet built a real leadership team. It has built a group that reports to a person. What is sitting in your head right now that belongs in a room with your team? Prepared by Benny Fisher | Visionary Navigator | bennyfisher.com
By Benny Fisher • August 13, 2026
Do the exercise. Not in your head. On paper, this week. Pick the age. Write the five. Write the obituary your kid reads. Then extend it, and write what you would do with the extra time.
By Benny Fisher • August 4, 2026
I've sat across from a lot of business owners who are working toward an exit.
By Benny Fisher • August 3, 2026
Three rooms that taught me how to do this, two men who are gone, and a backyard that fills up on Thursday. There's a gift sitting in my house right now that I can't tell you about yet. It's for Thursday. Every Pond member who walks into that backyard is getting one. There will be plenty of other people there too, friends, families, folks who are just curious about what we're building, and I'm glad about every one of them. But this piece is for the members. I've been working on it quietly for a while and I keep walking past it and stopping. I'll tell all of you what it is next week, after everybody has gone home. Right now I just want to sit with how this feels for a minute. I didn't make it myself. I commissioned my friend Brad Dalton. Brad makes gifts out of clay, under the name Clay and Spirit. Gift-maker is a real job and one of the better ones I know of. Watching him build this thing was its own gift. He made it with joy. I mean actual joy, the kind you can see in a man's hands while he works. There's video. You'll get the video. The barbecue is sold out. We never sold a ticket. We just ran out of room. Members are coming. Friends are coming. People who are still deciding what they think about what we're building are coming. Spouses, kids, the whole thing. Somebody is going to be in the pool by noon and somebody else is going to be at the fire pit at eleven at night, and I already know exactly who both of those people are. I'm sitting here on a Saturday going over the list and I don't have great words for what I feel. So let me back into it. HOW I LEARNED TO DO THIS I believe we were built for each other. Not in a greeting card way. I believe God made every one of us a masterpiece and then made us so that we can't quite see our own work without somebody else standing in the room. I think that's on purpose. I've felt called to be the guy who gets people in the same room since long before I had a company to hang it on. It might be the only real purpose I've ever had. But the way I do it, I did not come up with any of that. I got taught. By three rooms and by a couple of men who are not here anymore. The first was VeeFriends. I had a Hangout Hawk, so a group of us would get on Zoom together, and then we'd end up in the same room in person now and then. I also had a Gift Goat, which meant Gary would randomly surprise you and drop something at your door. No occasion. No reason. Just a box on the porch. I remember thinking, man, this is really cool. This is the way it's done. Then I joined Steve Sims and the Distillery. Day one, before I had done a single thing to earn it, a thoughtful gift showed up with a handwritten letter. Day one. I knew right then that Steve was different. Then I went to a Speakeasy, and it was not a hotel conference room with a projector and bad coffee. It was just cool. Cool in a way I had never seen anybody pull off. Then I met John Ruhlin. This guy gave gifts for a living. Wrote the book on it, Giftology. John made you feel like you were his best friend inside of five minutes, and the wild part is that he made a few hundred people feel exactly that way and every one of them was telling the truth. John died in August of 2024. It's two years this week. Steve died last July. Neither one of them will be in my backyard on Thursday. Both of them will be. THE PART I HAD TO BE TAUGHT TWICE The other room that got me here is the 10 Disciplines with Gino Wickman and Rob Dubé. Couple years in now. That's where I stopped treating peace like a reward you collect after the business finally behaves, and started treating it like something you build on purpose, at the same time as everything else. Here is what I came out of all of it believing. Every driven entrepreneur is called to relationship. Called to connection. Called to generosity. Called to impact. Called to peace. Not one of those instead of the others. All of it, at once, on purpose. That's what The Pond came out of. Not a business plan. A pile of rooms that other people built for me, and the feeling that I owed somebody the same thing. WHAT I HAVE TO WATCH ON THURSDAY Old Benny runs this barbecue from the kitchen. Old Benny is checking the ice, counting chairs, watching the driveway, making sure the food trucks are on time, and he gets to the end of the night having hosted a great party he was never actually at. I know that guy. I still am that guy some days. So the thing I'm telling myself all week is simple. Be still. Stay in the moment. Let it be what it is. The gift is done. The people are coming. There is nothing left to manage. Whether I actually pull that off is a different post. ONE MORE THING We hit capacity this year, which still does not feel real to me. If you wanted to be there and could not get in, tell me. I'll put you on the list for next year, and next year we'll figure out how to make more room. Here is what I keep landing on. Experiences rock. Not a feed, not a nice email, not a well-designed announcement. A thing that actually happens to people, in a place, with other people in it. That is what Gary and Steve and John gave me, and it is the only thing I know how to hand back. But the thing I actually want to leave you with is this, and I want you to sit with it a second longer than is comfortable. Somebody built a room for you. Gary built one. Steve built one. John built one. Gino and Rob built one. Somebody, somewhere, made space for you before you had done anything to deserve it, and it changed the direction you were pointed. Have you built one for anybody yet? Not a group chat. Not a follower count. A room. With a door you hold open and a table you set on purpose. Who is sitting outside of yours right now, waiting on you to notice?
Founders advice
By Benny Fisher • August 1, 2026
Somebody has to say it before the first of the month talks you out of what you built. July 31st my phone would not stop going off. One number came in. Then another. Then another. Four of the five roofing contractors I help navigate texted me what they closed for the month, and every one of them was just over a million dollars in a single month. I sat there at my kitchen table grinning like an idiot, texting back one hand at a time, proud of them in a way that is hard to explain to people who have never watched a founder claw his way to that line. The next morning I opened Facebook and the first post I read said every month starts at zero. I don't believe that. I don't believe it even a little. I used to. I lived it. Back in my selling days the first of the month was a hollow feeling in my stomach. Doesn't matter what you did in May. Board's blank. Go get it. And when I owned a roofing company selling something transactional instead of recurring, the feeling followed me right up the ladder into the owner's seat. The number resets, so the man resets with it. Here's what I've come to. Starting at zero is not humility. It's amnesia. Because the scoreboard is not the business. Your brand did not reset on August 1st. Your systems did not reset. Your skills did not reset. Your people did not walk in this morning dumber than they walked out last night. Every customer you touched last month still knows your name and still has a neighbor. Even the football thing gets used backwards. Guys love that line, last Friday's win doesn't give you a touchdown this Friday. Sure. The game resets. The season does not. The record does not. The seeding does not. The belief in that locker room that they know how to win, that absolutely does not. Nobody hands you seven points. Everybody hands you a program. The zero mindset feels hungry. That's why it sells. It sounds like the guy saying it is more disciplined than everybody else. What it actually does is erase the only thing that separates owning a business from working a commission job, which is compounding. If your January truly has no advantage over your December after ten years, you don't own a company. You own a job with your name on the truck. And I think there's something underneath it that nobody says out loud. Zero is a hole. When you start the month in a hole, you spend thirty days climbing out of it. That's fear driving. That's money trauma with a motivational filter on it. I know it because I ran on it for years and I was good at it, and being good at something that's eating you is the most dangerous place a founder can live. What I'm working on, and I mean currently working on, not conquered, is running toward something instead of filling a hole. Love instead of fear. It's slower to build and it doesn't spike the same way. Fear gets you a great Tuesday. Love gets you a great decade. The first of the month, before I look at a single number, I try to be still long enough to be grateful for what carried over. Not as a soft opening. As accurate accounting. God already knew what last month was going to hold, and He knows what this one holds, and I don't have to strain against the calendar to prove I deserve to be here. Old Benny would have opened the dashboard at 6:45am on August 1st with his jaw tight. Present Benny still catches himself reaching for the phone before he's even out of bed. Both of those are true today. I'm more there than I've ever been and I'm still catching it. So before you post about the blank scoreboard, ask yourself the honest version. Are you starting at zero, or did you just never build anything that compounds? What did last month leave behind that you haven't bothered to count? And what exactly are you running toward, or are you just running from the hole? Every month is a fresh chance. It's just not a blank one. Not even close. See you in The Pond .
Show More